Holly Dee

ALL OF THIS HAS HAPPENED BEFORE. And it will happen again

2011-12-05T22:40:00.000-08:00

You know those nights when you cant sleep for anything. Even if you have been awake and exhausted all day. You cant stop contemplating life. Tonight i am thinking about the things that are important to me. Some things that have been important to me in the past are just passing out of view. Sometimes it's scary because those things are the only things which are familiar. But in another way it feels good. New and different.
I cant stop thinking about school. Every time i close my eyes i see the hallways and classrooms. It is finals week and very soon i will be done. I need a break. There are things that i need to decide and think thru. I need to be with my sisters and my family. I am so tired of negative influences in my life. And people who pretend to be friends and then end up being.. boozers. For lack of a better word. My parents are going away next week on a cruise and i am actually really looking forward to the alone time. Not that i want them to leave i just need a little.. Idk solace i reckon. I have been going full on strong i guess i am just SO over tired. And this sickness is really taking a toll of my body and my mind. making me overly agitated. And we might as well mourn the death of my range.. I can barely sing in two octaves together. Sad Sad day. I think a rest will do me well. I need some quality time with the Lord as well. I was thinking today about having people in my life who will hold me and who i can keep accountable. But then it struck me that i should have that kind of relationship with Christ. I mean i know i dont need to keep god accountable. Because he is God. But i should be so personal in my relationship that i should fear his upsetness on my level. It that makes sense. I mean, it is kind of like when you do something wrong and you are worried about what the person you love will do when they find out what you did. I should have that kind of fear of disappointing christ or grieving the holy spirit. I should be that wound up with him. How does one get there is the question i suppose. "Life has a melody. A rhythm of notes that become your existence once played in harmony with God's plan."
There will never be peace in my life if i don't have that kind of friendship with the Lord. Truly he is my friend. My best friend. One that has never failed me or forsaken me.

love always
Holly Dee

Christmas Time is here!

2011-12-04T14:09:00.000-08:00

I love this time of year. There are so many happy filled days of cooking, sitting around the fire and just having a wonderful time with family and friends. I got up today at 8:20 when we are supposed to leave at 8:45. I gotten ready in 10 minutes. I rushed into the kitchen and made a cup of coffee. This particular Sunday i was extremely tired because i could not get the wheels of my mind to stop turning last night.. so i was pretty treepy. Mornings are wonderful because my dad is home. Neways, we left for church. I downed my coffee on the way there. IT WAS LUSH AS USUAL! Church was SO WONDERFUL. I walked in extremely happy for some reason and then i was met by the beautiful wreathes and Christmas decorations. Red and green colors everywhere. :) i always forget just how beautiful our church looks this time of year :) not that is looks drab the rest of the year.. well... maybe a little.. It could use some plants. About the only time we have plants is when someone dies.. and that's always a little depressing because then you say, "Oh those were at the funeral yesterday.." ANYWAY. That isn't the point. The church looked really wonderful. :))The sermon was really good. It is always so good to worship and fellowship with the rest of the body. But on this particular Sunday i was resting in the Lord more than i have lately. (not that it helped since i had to get up every five seconds to blow my nose.) I have finals coming up this week!! And since i have been sick since the end of September i am pretty nervous about them. I am taking an Incomplete in my lessons because there is no way i can sing up there. :( so depressing. I need to get better soon. My Dr is sending me to a lung specialist because he says my lungs are getting weak. He said no one should be coughing this bad as long as i have. I am falling apart. Anyway. Pray for me this week all.

Love always
Holly dee

Thanksgiving day traditions

2011-11-24T22:55:00.000-08:00

:) there are So many things that i love about this holiday. My heart is so glad today! Wednesday i went over to ivys and helped cook all day :) pies and pies and rolls and rolls! Loved getting toplay with my precious charlie. :) he loves his auntie Dee!! there are some serious traditions in the foster household. Coconut cream pie, watergate salad, pretzel salad, Potatoe Casserole...Chocolate mousse pie.. dang.. so much more food. But :) one of my favorite parts of the day is the epic nap after i eat!! Emily and i always wake up, realize we cant go on without coffee and then make and emergancy run to starbucks. :) my dearest emy shares my addiction. We always have such amazing adventures on the way to starbucks. :)) I LOVE HER. And then of course :))) the AGGIE/tu game. :) i love my aggie football. Too back we lost this year and it will be the last year we play them for at least 7 seasons... Stupid going to a different conferance.. So much tradition down the drain!!! Totes bummed. But eithery way! i love A&M so much. Thanksgiving is a wonderful holiday. I am so glad to spend holidays with my wonderful family. SO many amazing memories. Cant wait for christmas coming up :) Very thankful for what the lord has blessed me with.

Love always

Dee

"I'm done...No really tho i'm not done." (My ODE)

2011-10-15T00:15:00.000-07:00

My Ode to my dearest of all friends: The one person (or inanimate object.. depends if you talk to it or not.. i do... not gonna to lie) in my life that has never failed me. COFFEE (Note: must be read in dramatic voice..)

Well i woke up extremely bitter this morning. At 7:30.. when i was supposed to leave. However, i made my first class... at 8 (impressed yet?) which i was loath to go to.. however i was informed by my lovely parents i am not to skip ANY classes. Brutal. So i booked it to class, sat thru it all the while totally dead to the world. Then comes cup of coffee number 1. ( I say one... "because there are several." input Mr Collins voice.) I stopped at the cafe which was so providentially on my route to theory. It's like God really was telling me to drink coffee before i just fell down and died. (which would have been depressing.. to some. After all my high school teacher used to tell me "Coffee is proof that God exists and wants us to be happy." okay maybe i dont quite agree with the doctrine behind that but it sounded amazing at the time.) One Venti white mocha, which lemme tell you, might just be better than SB. OH MY... (fire reigns down.. i hope they did not hear that.)

As I walked to theory I clutched my amazing, deliSHUS, NO, DIVINE White mocha. The dearest Asian angel that made if for me warned me against its "EXTREME HOT CONTENTS" but i did not really care. . FOR A MOMENT THERE i was home free! it was proving to be a very lovely day... (not so fast holly) i saw my theory teacher... She apparently was having a bitter morning too (maybe i should have brought her coffee? actually in her defense she was not feeling so swell..) In any case! (and at this juncture... in which of course i was minding my OWN business.)

Wait... Side note. OKAY no one in my class understands the concept of the wrath of Kathy Morgan. I mean, she is all knowing (not meant to be blasphemous) in the realms of music! Her bad side is the LAST (and i mean LAST) place you want to be. In any case, she was not so very happy with our theory class this morning. We weren't doing things quite fast enough for her taste. I really should have been more vocal. Since i knew all the answers of course. (BAH! jk)

Really, truly, i cowered in bitter fear..Not quite willing to face the once bright world, and calm clean, coffee filled existence which had now turned dark and dare i say "henious" (!)(Yes, i know its misspelled. But you have to pronounce ever syllable. DUH)

I actually did pretty well in theory. Got most of my analysis right :) YAY. However, I was not to smile... Because when Kathy isn't happy, I'M REALLY NOT HAPPY. (And if you had any sense you wouldn't be happy either! or speaking unnecessarily) I then suffered thru piano. Dreaded my test in a week. Which i am in NO WAY prepared for. (Let's not talk about tho.) I had my break at 11. I tried to focus on my theory HW. BUT to no avail!

My phone started to buzz (which is somewhat unusual in it of itself. No one ever texts me any more. #bitter) (WAIT!? IS IT FATE?) It was my dear friend Garrick. "Soooooo, holly... You want to come and get me and lana? We are stranded.." (Wait for it) "..At starbucks." (CAN THIS BE TRUE?!) "...I Will buy you coffee...?" (GAHHHH YES! FAVOR IS MINE! PRAISE BE!) I rushed to my car and tried not to speed while driving (that didnt go so well) I arrived and was soon greeted by an OH So AMAZING Grande Iced Caramel macchiato. mmmmmhm. It was my drink of choice all summer. :) The woman in the drive thru was so nice that she brightened my spirits immediately. She, (the second angel of my day) sensing my scatterbrainedness, "would you like a few extra pumps of espresso?" Oh yes. Please and THANK YOU! :) i was on my way! Smiles and friends a bit more evident now.

Only... it was 11:20... and what happens at 12? Aural skills. BA DA BUM! Garrick and i went to see dear Kathy Morgan in office hours to see if she needed help grading her fundamental classes or if she wanted us to go get her soup in the cafe but she forgot her hw and she did not have an appetite. We tried to cheer her up a little.. but she thinks she is getting the flu. (I hope not the swine flu. BEEN THERE done that action! NO thank you!) Aural skills actually went better then i thought it was going to. We did 2 part counterpoint today! And Kathy was a little better ( i like to think it was because i brightened her day with my sweetness and my love for all things theory homework :)

We had sectionals for expressions.. That.. went.. No comment. By the end, i was bitter once again! Thankfully my 3rd angel of the day was Kyle! (Asians make good angels apparently) Feeling my negative and innerbitter, "Holly do you want to go to Starbucks after choir?" (wait.. did i hear you right?! STARBUCKS?! What an "excellent notion!" -input Robert Ferris' voice from sense and sensibility.) YES. Off we were :) "One iced grande 5 pump chai with 2 pumps of vanilla." (and you know.. a few shots of espresso. :) It was great to hang out with Kyle. Marlon joined us. You know, just old buds :) Keepin' it real. (Or whatever you youngins say these days. ) I left around 3:15. Brightly on my way. :) I honestly can't remember what i did in between then and dinner... (lack of coffee clarity? yes? Anyone?)

Dinner was interesting. :) HAH my mother is an amazing cook BUT she happened to put too much red pepper in our chili.. Um it was HOT. We had no cheese or sour cream. That turned us all bitter. A very, very BITTER REDish COLOR! But let us move on. :)

We went over to my sister Kimberly's house. I had not seen my two nieces or my nephew in weeks! #badaunt. We pulled up and they ran out, totally ignoring mamaw and papaw. :) GAVE ME BIIIIIIIG HUGS. Talk about gratifying :) Somewhere around here all bitterness was gone. We played, looked for ant hills for lukeys ant farm, toured the new house, played with gracie, ate lush homemade granola bars and i played beauty shop with the babo :) "Oh aunt dee your hair is so big and pretty." i shoulda have taken a picture. It was HUGE! #Curlfrizz AND THEN Micheal says, "WELL, i think it is time we celebrate with a frapp!" (What... A FRAPP? This makes coffee cup number four. :) Let me tell you! My brother in law makes the most amazing frapps in these parts!! That's fer dern sure! It was SO tasty. Complete with chocolate sauce and all :) thanks Micheal. :)))) I bathed the kids, put them into their precious beds and said prayers. Luke- "Dear lord. Please help me to trust you and to obey my parents. and please help the people in Haiti and Alabama to have faith....aaamen" -Babo- "Dear Jesus, please help me to know you and to obey you and help the missionaries in mexico to... to.. too.. know you. amen" PRECIOUS.

"But Jesus called for them, saying, "Permit the children to come to Me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these." I love them so much. I tucked them sweetly in to their little beds, got lots of kisses and cuddles and closed the door.

I'm very thankful for the stresses i have in my life that are teaching me to become more disciplined and not resort to bitterness.

"Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice." I am working more and more to put to death these deeds in my flesh. I do not want to be bitter. And as dumb as you may think it is i am so thankful for my coffee. God is the master of all comforts :) and he made coffee. <3 Just another day in the life..

love always
Holly Dee

First day of classes!

2011-08-22T20:05:00.001-07:00

WOAHHH WHAT A LONG CRAZY DAY! I just wanted to give you all an update of my first day. :)

This morning i got up at 6:40 and left the house at 7:20. I had been hoping and praying all weekend that a math class would open up. They were ALL full! I had been emailing back and forth to Professor Barbara Wilson because i wanted to get into her class. So i was going to go this morning just to check in. I didnt want her to think i was a dingbat and didnt take classes seriously! As soon as i got there she was like "just a few minutes ago someone dropped!" I was sooooo thankful! I RAN DOWN TO ADMISSIONS. But on the way i "figgured" the line would be so long! so i cheated and just went to the math office and got the receptions to enroll me lickity split! :) so i made it back to class at 8:01. All the while on the way saying "thankyou Lord, thankyou Lord!"( to a little tune i came up with on the stop.) YAY FOR BEING SMART AND GOING TO CLASS EARLY! but anyway! My teacher is so nice and think i will do very well (hopfully) in her class :)

At 9 i have theory III. OH MY! I am so beyond excited! it will be so crazy hard! We didnt do too much other than go over the syllabus. We did discuss the renaissance period and the baroque period, just to get and intro. We will do more on that Wednesday. :) We got out ten minutes early. :)

At 10 I normally have Paino III except for today because my TEACHER DR ALLISON WAS SICK! lame.. so me and "Pheobes" and Megan "practiced" we didnt really tho.. we ended up going out into B hall so we could study our theory :) and we did that through our break during the 11 ocklock hour!

Then at 12 :) AURAL SKILLS III. OH WOAH SAUCE. We sight sang and practiced our chromatic scale and slowly died inside realizing just how much there is too learn. It is going to be so hard. POWER OF PRAYER. lemme tell you :) there will be a lot a prayers.. I actually have a benchmark Friday. NO SWEAT RIGHT!?

At 1:00 I have Expressions, which is my Jazz choir! And it went pretty well I thought i actually think it going to be pretty low key this semester i am hoping for no terrible drama. Lol Which has been a constant in the past 3 semesters...

At 2:30 to 5:30... (Woah) we Have sextets. WE HAVE NO OTHER NAME! I think i will spare you the other names that were going around.....BUT we are a sextet and for those of you who dont know that is 6 PEOPLE. More commonly known as 1 on a part! It is going to be SO legit. :) We had a ton of fun in there! it is a great dynamic :) i think we will do great things!

Today was pretty exhausting! After class i rushed home to eat and then went to the nursing home Bible study. It was very good! Great time singing :) I am so thankful for today and for the way God orchestrates things. I am looking forward to Wednesday. :)

Just thinking

Love ALWAYS

Holly dee

We are the WORD to the WORLD

2011-08-21T11:24:00.000-07:00

School is starting tomorrow and so i wanted to take this time to write out the notes i took during the sermon this morning. Ben is such a powerful teacher and speaker of the word of God. This sermon really moved me and the power of the Lord and the word of our almighty God is empowering me and giving me boldness. I am writing this down because it is how i need to live and it is what i need to do in my everyday life at school. When i am surrounded my darkness and around people who are held by the power if the evil one. My God is mighty to save every single one of them.

BE FRUITFUL AND MULTIPLY, CONQUERING THE WORLD.

1.) Gods word is powerful to change us

2.) We are not bound by what we were or who we have been

3.) We are the word to the world

4.) Gods plan is that we be fruitful and multiply so we can expand the word to the world.

Acts 6:7 "The word of God kept on spreading; and the number of the disciples continued to increase greatly in Jerusalem, and a great many of the priests were becoming obedient to the faith."

19:20 "According to the mighty hand of the Lord the word was growing mightily and prevailing."

We don't always share Christ because we doubt His power and ability. We also want to be accepted and we think if we share Christ or admit we are a Christian it will inconvenience us, making our lives difficult. Often we don't know what to say and we get caught up in our own inadequacy's. We might be embarrassed of think we may not know how to talk or share. But our God IS MIGHTY TO SAVE. God will work through me.

Isaiah 40: 6-8 "The grass withers, the flower fades, the breath of the LORD blows upon it; Surely the people are grass. The grass withers, the flower fades, But the word of our God stands forever." In Isaiah Gods power is pictured as a conquering hero. Even if we do not know what to say. We can ask people to just read the Bible with us. Because the bible is "living and active and sharper than any two edged sword." We are going to fade away, our lives are vapors, but Gods word is GOING TO STAND FOREVER. His word is unchanging and unfailing. His word is powerful.

Ben told his testimony, he wasn't raised as a Christian. He was very hostel to the word of the Lord. He initially started to study the bible so he could be able to refute the ideas to all the Christians he knew. He wanted to be able to rip all of their beliefs to shreds. He started to go to church every Sunday so he could learn everything he could. he said the first Sunday he went he felt something was different but he didn't yet understand what it was. He started to go to the Wednesday night Bible study's and every time after the study he would debate the teacher for about an hour. For 6 months Ben studied the Bible intensely and fought against God. Then God saved him.

Isaiah 55:8-11 "For My thoughts are not your thoughts,

Nor are your ways My ways,” declares the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts. For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return there without watering the earth and making it bear and sprout,
And furnishing seed to the sower and bread to the eater; So will My word be which goes forth from My mouth; It will not return to Me empty, Without accomplishing what I desire, And without succeeding in the matter for which I sent it."

Gods word is powerful. And just by reading it you can grow or you can be saved. It is error less and perfect. We are not bound by who we used to be before we were saved. God has the power to change us! And he will change us if we poor ourselves into Him.

Acts 4:29-31 "And now, Lord, take note of their threats, and grant that Your bond-servants may speak Your word with all confidence, while You extend Your hand to heal, and signs and wonders take place through the name of Your holy servant Jesus. And when they had prayed, the place where they had gathered together was shaken, and they were all filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak the word of God with boldness."

It is our duty to pray but also to act. We have a responsibility. We must pray for boldness and confidence so we can be fruitful and multiply expanding the word of Christ to the world. I AM CHRISTS WORD TO THE WORLD. I cant live my day to day in a comfortable state. I have to be witnessing and telling people about what Christ has done for me. It doesn't matter if i don't feel like i know what to say. If i pray for wisdom i will receive it and the holy spirit will work through me. I cant do anything of myself. I have to ask people to read the bible with me. Because i don't have all the answers. But the word of the God is power! My God is mighty and powerful and full of grace and honer. He deserves all glory.

I want to grow this semester. I want to be a witness at school. I want to be on fire for Christ. I never want to give him up.. I never want to be stuck in a place where I doubt his power. He can use me. He can work through someone as depraved and filthy as me. His word can change me, renew me, build me up, purify me, and sanctify me.

"HOLY HOLY HOLY. LORD GOD ALMIGHTY. Who was and is and is to come." There is no one like you O God.

just thinking.

Love always

Holly Dee

Sunday madness

2011-07-03T22:05:00.000-07:00

Today was such a good day! lots of laughter. :) (some tears of course.. but alas. whatcha gon do?)We had such a good time at church and then Belle and stevie over. Dad had gone to get them from the airport because they had been in Oregon for our dear friend Saidy's wedding. So she told us ALLLLLL about it. We all sat around and just gabbed for a long time about it. Ellen was just so cute. She is TOTALLY entertaining. We baked ivys birthday cake because the fourth is her BIRTHDAY! ( i mean.. its just a regular day! Its just a regular day! A regular day, a regular day its just a regular dayAYEHHHHHHHHH.) So we took her cake to her and so i ended up riding with them to the fuquas for the fourth of july picnic which is always so fun! I had such a fun time with ivy and with my little "fatties" (charlie and Willie) Marc even when out and got us frapps! was a lushus treat :))

The picnic was so fun! i love getting to catch up with my childhood friends that i dont get to see that often because we are all off at school or doing this that and the other! we played a ton of volleyball and it was so hott. Marx was playing and holding charlie!charlie would clap clap clap whenever we did something right! and then marc went around giving everyone charlie chest bumps! except for me.. because ladies dont give chest bumps.. That would be "henious." :) it was a very good day! i stayed up very late gabbing with mom about my adventures throughout the day. Filling her in on all of my drama (Since my life is always filled with drama!) and i am SO looking forward to tomorrow. I am going to study ALL DAY! i have finals next week! Then later we are all going over to ivys to celebrate our regular day :) I love my family. And i especially love my sweet sister ivy. I am so thankful she has been in my life all these years. Ivy has never given up on me and she has always encouraged me to do what is right and she has always been there for me. I am just so thankful that i can look to each and everyone one of my sisters for a godly example of how i should act. I am truly blessed with the greatest family in the world. :)

Just thinking
love always

HollyDEE

When a heart breaks I have been told it does not break even

2011-07-02T21:08:00.000-07:00

It is a really dreadful feeling to feel like you dont really matter. To feel unimportant. I was thinking about kelsey today and the kind of witness and influence she had in her short life. But then i started thinking about a sermon that cabe preached a few years ago. He told us we should all want to be like john the baptist. Forgotten. His point being we shouldnt want to matter because in the grand scheme we are 'a flower quickly fading.' "A vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away." We ourselves shouldnt want to be remembered.. I think mankind since the beginning of time has wanted to be remembered. After all, Achilles the great Greek warrior choose death as opposed to long life, family and love. All because the goddess told him if he died in the battle he would be remembered forever. be a myth or not..the depiction on man is true. We all want to be important, we all want to be remembered. but the truth of the matter is, we are not important. Only the work god does is important. I am just a tiny tiny tiny part of Gods huge plan. Humbling isnt it? I am not saying i am not important to God that would be dumb. Why bother saving the human race if we werent important. I am just saying we were saved to bring more glory to the father. He would still be perfect and holy even if we all were sent to burn.

There has been a lot going on in my life lately. Mostly under the surface. I forgot how calm and collected i can be. Even when i am crumbling inside. I dont often tell people my problems. All i know is that when i feel pain i feel it so deeply. It consumes me. i am like my mother in that respect. whenever something happens to me i always think it is my fault. I have been conditioned to think it is because of me.. I am toxic after all. I cant get that word out of my head. I dont want it to define me. I carry so much hurt around inside of me all the time and i never deal with it. i tend to just bury my problems and the hurt. I don't think it is really a question of forgiveness. I have always been able to forgive easily. but i am still hurt. I search my heart to purge all angry feels because i don't want to be angry or bitter or hold a grudge against anyone. But i feel like i am chained to my pain. I feel like it has me by the throat.. And i honestly don't know what i can do. One thing i know.. i cant do anything alone and i need the Lord to sustain me. I don't want to feel this way always. I want the pain to be gone someday. I am so thankful for the people in my life who know me best and help me thru these things. I am so thankful for the people who stand by me. The angel who God sent me.

Just thinking
Love always

Hollyd

Spiritual people

2011-03-17T11:47:00.000-07:00

My dear sister Emily told me that only spiritual people blog.. So i figured i oughtta right a blog!! Since i havent in over a year.. Woah i do feel less spiritual all of a sudden. ;)
So many wonderful things have happened to be over the past year. The most important of which was that I met my best friend shelbey. (we were pretty much inseparable by the first day)She is amazing, wonderful, lushus,delishus, precious!!! You should get to know her to :) she will bless you in ways you didnt know were possible. She has made my year amazing. And I'm so beyond thankful for her. <3

Looking back i can see Gods hand thru all that has happened to me. He has carried me through all of my low moments. Even though so many times i pushed him away. I tend to want to be in control.. everyone does want that i reckon. but every time i try to be in control something happens and all my plans come crashing down and i realize that i am so small. i could not govern what God governs least of all my own tiny life. I have been thinking a lot about how small ants are to us.. well we are just that small to God. Yes we are important to God and yes we are loved by HIM. But in ourselves we have absolutely nothing that is even good enough to bring into his presence. After all, " all my righteousness are like filthy rags," to God.. lately i have been realizing just how much i need him in day to day life. Just as a child is dependent on her parents, i am completely and totally dependent on God for my every breath.

Also, the other thing that goes along with being in control is wanting WHAT I WANT. I am a selfish creature. I often dont leave room for God to work out his will thru me.. Instead, I am so concerned with what i want i cause myself to fall and i bring other people down with me.. Especially those i am closest to. I look back at all of the horrible things i have done and i am baffled to think God still has a purpose to me and i am shocked that He would give me another thought. I have broken His heart so many times.. and i have nailed nails into His wrists over and over. But He still loves me He is still forever faithful to me. I carry around a lot of hurt inside.. but i know God is there catching every tear i have every cried. He is always with me. And he is the only person who will never fail me. God NEVER DISAPPOINTS. His plan is always perfect.
It makes me feel so blessed to be one of his spiritual people. After all i was created for worship, for one purpose; and that purpose is to give glory to the most fantastic, only, almighty, holy, awe inspiring, God. I serve a great and glorious King. He is the only one worthy of praise.

Just thinking
Love always

Holly Dee

2010-06-14T21:28:00.000-07:00

( Sorry it has been so ridiculously long since i have posted!!)

I look around me and I see so many girls obsessed with the idea of getting and having a man. In a way they are saying they are not complete if they do not have a man attached to their arm. Why do you feel like you have to work so hard to get noticed? Maybe I am just old fashioned, but it was my understanding that guys are supposed to pursue girls and not the complete opposite. I feel like I have no reason to go out of my way to talk to a guy. If someone was interested in me, LET HIM BE INTERESTED in me. I am just sick and tired of seeing girls throw themselves at boys. It is ridiculous and if I was the man I would never want a girl who threw herself at me. I can understand healthy flirting; ( :D ) but that is completely different from being in complete and total desperation.

Recently I have discovered, (this may shock you, so brace yourselves) that I am really not in a hurry to tie the knot. Not to say I never want to. But I am just not desperate whatsoever. I am completely fine with waiting for the Lords will for me. Life is not all about only finding a guy. Who knows, I may never get one. If we, girls, spend our lives pursuing boys where does that leave room to pursue God? If I am putting my everything in God, then that’s it HE WOULD BE MY EVERYTHING! I am complete in God. He should be my all and my one driving force. If He was my everything I would not feel the need (and I do not feel this need) to flirt with and pursue every good looking man that comes along.

I see girls doing this; obsessing over some guy that may or may not ever make a move towards them. What then? I obsess over a man for 6 months and he never asks me out (or to court me or date me or whatever) then I have just wasted 6 months of my life!! Not to mention the trauma I would undergo when I see that man go off and marry some other woman. Maybe if these girls made God their entire focus He would bless them with a man. However, you can’t just focus on God with that goal in mind because then you are not really focusing on God. I say if you are really living your life for Him and cultivating your personal relationship in Him then the rest wouldn’t matter.

I remember talking to my sister Kimberly maybe a year after she was married. (For all my readers who don’t know, my sister married later in her 20s; much to her chagrin.) She told me, that no matter what, if we put our everything in to the man, finding a man ect, he will always disappoint. He is human obviously. Her point was that GOD WILL NEVER DISAPPOINT US. Obsessing over boys I think can be dangerous. They will not fulfill everything. Only a relationship with Christ will. I reckon this all does sound like I am saying, “I DON’T NEED A MAN,” however, that really isn’t the point of this. I am merely saying that I will not throw myself at any man, because if that is what it takes to get one then I would rather be single.I do not feel as though I have to work for love. I refuse to stoop to that level. I want to use my time focusing on God… Not obsessing and being desperate to find a man. If it is in Gods will for me to be married why should I stress over it?

Okay soapbox over.

Just thinking
Love always

Holly Dee <3

You lift my feet off the ground, Spin me around. You make me crazier. Feels like I'm falling… I’m lost in your eyes.

2010-01-01T23:45:00.001-08:00

(This is going to be exceptionally long….)

Relationships…..

Since everyone around me (My family members and friends) are either married, in a relationship (Boyfriend girlfriend.. ish), or looking to be in one, I realized that I really wanted to write my thoughts\( dare we say) desires concerning this matter… I also realize that, for me, this is a very delicate subject and must be approached with much care and gentle attention.

You know those couples who, at first sight, are believed to be “OH A MATCH MADE IN HEAVEN.” Those ones that seem absolutely and totally perfect for each other; The ones that on Sunday mornings during church are so sweet and caring towards each other. They make a point never to fight in company. There is always a knowing of what the other person needs and connection between the two, even across a room. You know when you can see it in their eyes that they belong to each other. But not only that… there is an undercurrent of passion that when I witness it, I know those two could never possibly live one day without seeing the other, hearing the other ones voice, kissing, or holding each other. I love being a witness to THAT in couples.

Then, there are the other couples you see… That at first glance, my first thought is, “Now…why are they together again?” They fight, they don’t get along, and they are sarcastic and rude to each other. (I understand a certain kind of jarring all in fun sarcasm.. but it is the downright rude kind of sarcasm that you think might erupt into an all out brawl if people weren’t present,) those that seem to be miserable all the time and those that bring out the worst in the other.

I will never be the latter…

And I realize that this maybe a perceived as a childish view of ridiculous proportions. And I know very well that “The perfect man” does not exist. Because our heavenly Father is the only perfect one. I know a man, being human, will always disappoint. (And I am not picking on you men out there. I hope this doesn’t sound like that.) But the truth is, hand crafted by God, there is perfect. I mean, there is perfect for me.

Somewhere out there, there is my better half. Someone who will bring out the best in me, understand me, and love me passionately with the entirety of his heart. Love should never fail… And if it is true love (a phrase I don’t throw around lightly) it never will fail.

“Put me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm. For love is as strong as death, jealousy is as severe as Sheol; its flashes are the flashes of fire, the very flame of the lord. Many waters cannot quench love, nor will rivers overflow it; if a man were to give all the riches of his house for love it would be utterly despised.”
That is what love is supposed to be. Love is a picture of Christ and His bride the church.

Someday… if I am lucky... I will one day be a reflection of that love. When I get that chance I will never let it slip. I will grasp it, and hold onto it with all that I have. I will love with every fiber of my being.
But alas.. until then... I wont just sit around waiting with a "someday my prince will come," mentality. I will busy myself and ready myself to be the greatest most amazing someones one and only.

“I WONDER by my troth, what thou and I
Did, till we loved? Were we not weaned till then?
But sucked on country pleasures, childishly?
Or snorted we in the Seven Sleepers' den?
'Twas so; but this, all pleasures fancies be;
If ever any beauty I did see,
Which I desired, and got, 'twas but a dream of thee.

And now good-morrow to our waking souls,
Which watch not one another out of fear;
For love all love of other sights controls,
And makes one little room an everywhere.
Let sea-discoverers to new worlds have gone;
Let maps to other, worlds on worlds have shown ;
Let us possess one world ; each hath one, and is one.

My face in thine eye, thine in mine appears,
And true plain hearts do in the faces rest;
Where can we find two better hemispheres
Without sharp north, without declining west?
Whatever dies, was not mixed equally;
If our two loves be one, or thou and I
Love so alike that none can slacken, none can die.”

“Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove.
O no, it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wand’ring bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come;
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom. If this be error and upon me proved, I never writ, nor no man ever loved.”

Just thinking...

Love always,
Holly Dee

Heart Of My Own Heart, Whatever Befall, Still Be My Vision, O Ruler Of All.

2010-01-01T16:28:00.000-08:00

( I am posting this a week late folks… my bad..)

Its funny how my church will always address the things I need to hear.
All last week I was struggling with a few things spiritually. By the time I got to church I was rather angry and nothing was pleasing me. When i sat down in my seat...I was utterly convicted about my attitude.

I realized part of the reason I had been having bad thoughts, bad attitudes, angry outbursts, was simply because I had barely read the scripture the week before. My pastor opened up the sermon talking about the need for being in the word. He was encouraging us all to read through the bible in 2010. Or at least the books we had never read before. He encouraged us all to have a plan. Instead up just to sit down and go “ah well what should I read today..” while all bible reading is good (obviously) he wanted us to read and become familiar with all the things we had never gone through before.

Mr. Nelson stated that he knew some people had not even opened their bibles since the last church service… I may have once or twice, but not enough to grow me in my spiritual life, or to ward off the flaming arrows of the devil. I decided instead of sitting down and devoting time to God I would just live in the flesh. (Not a good plan btw)

I think all of us have this problem…“Oh.. I will be alive for a while yet.. I will save the growing up for later.” I have said it many times and I will say it again. LIFE IS SHORT! I have seen so many people’s lives vanish right before my eyes. Life is not something you can hold onto. It’s something that must be taken seriously. “..Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow. You are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away.” We cant ever save growing up for “later.”

Growing has to be a constant and ever present fact of our existence. Christ needs to be first in every one of our lives. I want to be able to say, "Thou and thou only first in my heart." And being in the word every single day makes it so much easier to follow the straight path of righteousness.

So my plan is to read the last few chapters of Deuteronomy and to read through the rest of the whole Old Testament. (Along with reading the proverbs through every month. At the end of this year. I want to have read through the proverbs 12 times.) I want to have every book of the old testament read; and not just read but digested and applied.

Growing up and learning by no means implies that there is no fun to be had. ( Come on its me.. fun and drama is never far away when im around ;)For me, I just realize that there is a need for recognition of responsibility. I have things to live up to; I have my own standards that I do not at all measure near towards. Then of course there are Gods standards. By which scale I fail every moment.

Just thinking

Love always.

Holly

The true nature of what friendship should be (What ever could it be that has brought me to this loss?)

2009-12-15T22:16:00.000-08:00

The definition of a friend.

A person whom one knows, likes, and trusts.
A person with whom one is allied in a struggle or cause; a comrade.
A person attached to another by feelings of affection, esteem or personal regard.
One that is not hostile.

"A true friend is the greatest of all blessings, and that which we take the least care of all to acquire."
François Duc de La Rochefoucauld

"Being of the same mind, maintaining the same love, united in the spirit, intent on one purpose. Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind, regard one another as more important than yourselves. Do not merely look out for your own spiritual interests but also for the interests of others. have this attitude in yourselves, which was also in Christ Jesus. " ( Philippians 2)

"This is my commandment, that you love one another, just as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends.." ( John 15)

I think.. that says it all.

Just thinking..

Holly.

ThanksGiving, :)

2009-11-26T00:35:00.000-08:00

:) Ahh it is that time of year. WITH MASSIVE AMOUNTS OF DELICIOUS FOODDDDS. Tomorrow, we are all getting together at lunch for the even.. I am pretty excited. :) IT IS our first thanksgiving with stevie in the family.( alas.. i suppose wade and i shall have to be couple..)

I love this time of year and obviously it makes me think of how many things i am thankful for. and even the things im not really thankful for... like.. half my baby tooth falling out.. and school being gay.. dont really matter on the whole :) i am soo thankful for what god has done and what he is doing. So many things seem to go wrong all the time, and then God comes in and fixes everything! I love where he has me. in this family with these people; i am so blessed.

Just thinking (uber late)
love always

Hol

Two is better than one. (Unless the 2nd is a boozer. )

2009-11-19T19:25:00.000-08:00

My sister Ellen has become a "we." Oh my.. "We dont like that." We cant come." GAH! ;) but i love 'em.
Today I went to school! Tuesdays and Thursdays are my short days. I only have history and choir. But I did have a voice lesson and that was really nice. NOT. It was really hard actually. So many things to remember... GR. AND THEN I LEFT MY RECORDER IN THERE!!! Because i am a dork. Thankfully Andres went and rescued it for me before someone stole it.. that would have been extremely lame. Finals are coming up.. I am swamped. I should be reading a book right now.. am i am supposed to be writing a paper...
BUT OH MY THANKSGIVING IS NEXT WEEK!!! The family is all going over to ivys, and our menu!!! Is totally amazing.. I am really looking forward to all that pie. even though i dont really like most pie.. But when it comes to Coconut cream IIIII am all over that. !! Ivy makes the most amazingly delicious coconut cream pie. :) And of course Buttermilk pie is a family fave. DELECTIBLE! This lunch is going to me so huge.. I either need to starve myself, or eat a ton beforehand. Im not sure which...

This year has gone by so fast. There have been so many hard and good things this year. And so many rewarding things. But even the hard things will work out eventually. And they will all just make you stronger and better. Gods will will always happen. Mrs Fuqua told me, "Holly god will always give you just the right amount of tools you need to acomplish his will." she is a smart woman.

I have been thinking a lot about resting in Christ lately. Most likely because in church my pastor was going over the sabbath, and how it should be. But let me just pick your over worked under rested brains a bit. "Come to me all who are weary laden and i will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for i am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." In Genesis when God was creating the world and then he rested on the 7th day it never says, "and it was evening and morning a 7th day." this symbolizes that the "rest" with Christ is eternal; it goes on forever if you are a christian. God did not work again until man sinned. The picture is that God got back up, rolled up his sleeves, and began to work again. Because after we sinned there we things to do; we needed God. And he worked for us and is continuing to work for us everyday. The whole idea of the "Sabbath" was FOR man. Because after the fall man needed rest. And the thing is, we are supposed to be resting in christ. "Casting all our burdens on him." And in our rest we are supposed to meditate and contemplate about God and all he has done for us. It is such and intriguing thought.

"Come all you weary with your heavy loads
Lay down your burdens find rest for your souls
Cause my yoke is easy and my burden is kind
I’ll take yours upon me and you can take mine

Come all you weary move through the earth
You've been spurned at fine restaurants and kicked out of church
Got a couple of loaves sit down at my feet
Lend me your ears and we'll break bread and eat

Come all you weary
Come gather round near me
Find rest for your souls

Come all you weary, you cripples you lame
I’ll help you along you can lay down your canes
We’ve got a long way to go but we’ll travel as friends
The lights growing bright further on further in

Come all you weary
Come gather round near me
Find rest for your souls."

Just thinking
Love always

Holly

p.s... I love how totally random my titles are.

Being faithful to the things GOD has entrusted to us. ( I dont want to live in a shadow)

2009-11-18T11:51:00.000-08:00

Do you ever feel like you are not being faithful to carry out what God has handed you? Maybe perhaps you are slacking off a bit? I have been feeling that way lately. Mostly about school; but also about my one on one relationship with Christ. God had ordained my circumstances to be 7 classes deep; while my sanity is somewhat failing. there have been so many things at school which have been hard for me to deal with. But all that aside.. I have not been faithful. It's true so many things have gotten in the way and those things have made it even harder to focus. but this is no excuse. I know i can do so well; if i would only try harder.
And now the end of the semester is here and i just want to give up. but i cant! i never give up, it isnt what i am. I just have to buckle down, and DO IT.

I have not been using my time to the glory of my Lord. ("Do all things in the name of the Lord.")I have not been trying as much as i should to seek him first and know Him. And because of that my faith is failing. It is so hard being a christian.. I sometimes ask myself how much of this i really believe. And then of course i kick myself, because i know i would be nowhere without Jesus. I think satan is using these thoughts to pull me away from god.

How people act at school has really been getting to me lately though. There is so much pervertedness and foulness.. it makes me sick. Then i think.. " Am i really trying to fit in with these people? Shouldnt i be trying all the more harder to fight against the mold and fight against this crowd and the normality of the world?" the last thing i want is to seem normal. What happened to being diferent? I was thinking about a conversation i had with one of my friends last summer. We were talking about summer camp. And i thought just how easy is was to be a christian at summer camp. We were "allowed" to be on fire for the lord. where as when you left those blessed amazing cabins and got back into REAl life.. nothing was the same. I guess wanting to fit in is something that i have always struggled with. I think it is mostly because I have always wanted to be frinds with everyone, and i really hate beng hated. But then i find myself with barely any TRUE friends. Sure there are a ton of people i "hang with." But true friends? Those are pretty scarce these days. Friendship apparently doesnt mean as much to somepeople as it means to me. "A man of too many friends come to ruin, But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother." Ultimatly, Christ is all i need. But i am so thanful that christ sent my sisters to me.

But sometimes i feel like i am living in their shadow. With so much to live up to. Lemme tell you... that is a huge shadow. How can i measure up to what they are? the easy answer is that i cant. But i suppose i have to live for the Lord and not even think about how amazing my dearest sisters are. I need to please God rather then men. Mrs Fuqua told me something last summer that has helped me so much.. " Holly, The kimberlys, Emilys, Ivys, and ellens all have done well. But I think the people that fail and fall can do such great things for the Lord. Maybe even more then the people that never failed in the first place. Because those that fail, get back up and you can see just how powerful our God is. He brings glory to himself when his children sin and then when he brings them back to himself." Not to say that its good to fail to bring glory to God; it isnt obviously. I wish i never had. But i know God has something great in store for me. And i know he can still use me even though i have failed extensivly. I just need to get out of my own way and out of his way! So that he CANN use me. Despite the shadow.. I am so thankful for my sisters and could not ask for better role models. :) i couldnt be more thankful for what christ has done in my life.

Anywho.. Im sorry that this was so long.

Just thinking
Love always

Maggie

The Big day is over. ( I CANT TAKE MY MIND OFF YOU)

2009-11-09T14:18:00.000-08:00

Well, my dearest belle.. has gotten herself hitched. She is now enjoying marital bliss on her honeymoon in Cozumel Mexico. It was such a beautiful wedding. There were however some very tense moments. Like when we were all getting ready and Mrs Nelson ( my pastors wife) was ironing my Bridesmaid dress; She turned to me with this shocked look on her face... " I just burned a whole through the dess!!!!!!! " This statement of course threw Me, Ellen and Emma into a flurry of excitement. " DONT TELL YOUR MOTHER!!!!!" We knew mom would freak out if she found out. Luckily Mrs nelson is a sewing connoisseur, she wiped out a needle and thread and made the burned setion into another pick up. ;) ( No one ever noticed) All the while Ellen was singing REALLY lowd, " In christ alone my hope is found!!!" Just to try and keep the situation from being heard in the other room where momy was.. But not only that. My mom decided she was going to iron my sash.. I told her, " Mom, you know maybe you should iron over a towell.." she burned it also.. and told emma not to tell me. ;) Little did she know, there was a much larger burn in the back of the dress.
The rest of the wedding went smoothly, besides Abby deciding to lie down on the stage during the vows.. But she just looked too beyond adorible to fuss at. ;)
We had such great after parties also, Everything just went fabulous. And besides... THE COWBOYS WON!! Made my weekend. ;)

I am however uber sad.. I didnt think I would miss belle so much. I was frankly looking so forward to her going because im tired of dealing with her "henious" bedroom.. it was time for her to get married. But i say.. It is so hard being the youngest and watching all your sisters go off and leave you. i have been feeling pretty alone. But mama always tells me, "Holly when you feel lonely you just have to reach out to other people." So i have been trying.

Love Always

7 Days (Love taught me to fly)

2009-10-31T22:27:00.000-07:00

Aw well it is WELL past time for a new blog entry.. The truth is, there has been so much weighing on my mind lately. and I am not quite sure where to start.. But i am sure i will get back to all of you on all of that.. maybe

But on a brighter side of things. :) MY DEAREST SISTER ELLEN IS GETTING MARRIED IN 7 DAYS! i cant wait to stand up there with her. :) it is going to be a very busy week. Not only do i have school every day, BUT there is all the wedding plans and wedding drama! HAHA But i cant wait to see everyone who is coming into town. The rehearsal is on thursday; there is so much to plan.. plus im getting my hair cut that day too. IT IS GOING TO BE SO BUSY!!! GAH. Ellen and stephen are so happy though. I cant wait to see what God is going to do in their life together.
School has been going very well. I have my wednesday noon recital coming up. I am singing "wishing you were somehow here again." from Phantom of the opera. :)

Just thinking (too much)

Love always
Holly

Redefinition- My eyes are the window to my inner soul.

2009-08-09T20:18:00.000-07:00

I have been known to say.. " I need to redefine myself this week.." haha well if you have heard it.. i guess i should explain the meaning behind it. It is crazy how easy it is to get comfortable in life. Let me tell you, i don't think life should ever be easy or comfortable for believers. We always need to be defining ourselves.. or in my case REdefining myself to be more and more like our savior. AND that only comes by seeking God first and formost.. Always striving to do hard things because that will make us stronger.. (even though i know i am SO week).. I need to stop thinking i can do things my way and i can do things on my own.. because i cant. ("And He has said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness " Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ's sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong. ")

I have been thinking a lot about how i need to stive for a gentle and quiet spirit. (" but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God") This quality which i KNOW is of great worth.. one also that i do not posess. It always makes me think of Kelsey.. when we were young we realized the importance of a gentle and quiet spirit; and we Purposed to stirve towards one. I guess for a while i forgot, but lately i have remembered. I need to strive all the way so i can be sliver... Silver clear enough for God to see his face in me. God shouldnt be something someone has to look for in a person. He should be the most evident thing about my character, and the first thing peope notice and see.

Well this week was a little bittersweet. ( mostly sweet. :) My dearest sister is getting married to a wonderful dude. ( who contrary to public opinion i am quite fond of..) She is gorgeous and fabulous. And i know she will be so happy. last night we prayed together, ( for the life that they will share.) i will miss her desperately well she leaves... ( even though sometimes we dont get along... however thats all past eh? haha no more petty fights. i wont allow it.) For i shall be alone.. HOWEVER, (" Good Lord for alliance! Thus goes everyone to the world but I, and I am sunburnt; I may sit in a corner and cry 'heigh-ho!' for a husband!" hahaha) someday.. perhaps.. But... She is very happy. :) and i cant wait for the day to end all days! AHHHHH this is going to be epic..

!!!!!!!!!!!!
:)
Just thinking
Love Always

Maggie

Its a choice to stay.. its a dream and I wanna wake.

2009-07-30T20:32:00.000-07:00

Good news! My grandpa seems to be doing a little better; The doctors took him off the ventilator :) I hope the Lord means this to draw him to believe.. I hope so. I miss my MOM!!!!! I cant wait for her to come home. but i am glad she is doing good there and being support for my grandma and my aunts. I would covet your continued prayers.

Ahh I had a fantabulous day! I got up this morning, and i was so tired!! LONG WEEK!!! I went to school.. which was reallay long. BUT I did totally ACE my music exam. :) i was so HAP HAP HAPPYYY! ( And i saw P-scott in the halls at school! And that made my day haha) Music Class was so hilarious today! Those music guys all make for a good laugh haha. I accidentally (NOT) opened my umbrella in the hall. ( well i was really just showing my freind Antije that is was purple.. she was totally jealous. MUAHAHAHA) but all the dudes in the next class gave me no end of greif of how we were all gonna have bad luck now. They are so weird and a i swear that one dude was totally high.. ..... anywho. it was so funny but apparently now that i tell it... It was a total " had to be there" thing. ..

I got home and i cleaned; worked on music.. I played guitar all afternoon. ( okay i say play, i really mean "try" to play.. haha but i was actually starting to get it.) :) My fingers hurt like death.. but i will prevail and maybe i will have some start up callouses by tomorrow :) I love it so much, it just feels so good to sit down and write music and play.. ahhhhhh HAPPINESS! I cant wait for christmas so i can get a keyboard for my room.. :D My joy would totally be complete haha.
THEN! Oh mann... I had to go to the doctor.. Because i have too many skin issues.. i really dont even wanna say what skin problems i have because it is totally embarassing.. even talking about how i dont want to talk about it is embarassing.. But no matter. The point is they are awful and gross and i cant wait for them to be gone. So i came home with a ton of perscriptions and creams.. blah.. but it better all go away before i get engaged ( better luck next time haha) and have a ring on my finger. i also have swollen lymph nodes.. :( and they hurt. my dad says i am "One mess after another." haha this is so true. So much drama in my little life. haha

My day has ended lovely. Me and dad got pizza and ate it together. Then he helped me with my chords.. :D I love my dad. Watching him play made me miss all the times he used to play john denver in the living room for us. :) And all us sisters would sing. haha i miss it. ITs hard being the last one at home folks!!! Feel my pain! ;)
Sorry this was so long!

Always thinking
Love always

Maggie

My ROOM!

2009-07-25T11:00:00.000-07:00

I rearranged my room!!! IT is "loverly." Later today me and dad are gunto hang pictures! It will be amazing when i am through with it! ( btw folks.. next time i have a creative energy boost.. and i want to paint.. remind me to put down more newspaper.. haha...) I have so much homework to do for classes on monday, and if i don't get on it i'm most likely going to die!!!

Always thinking
Love always

Holly Dee :)

WHEEEEEE GLAD THATS OVER!

2009-07-23T11:50:00.000-07:00

WHATS UP FOLKS!? Man I am super rejuvenated today! ( could be due to all the coffee :) I love how God gives me hope so easily!!! Well i thinking i failed one of my exams today... haha well not really a "haha" at all. but what can i say, i laugh in spite of myself. I had a creative burst of energy today and last night. last night i did music stuff... ya know the usual. :P it was super. AND then today, i got home from class and decided to PAINT! and i have been all afternoon. :) ( ill let you know how it goes haha.) Of course it isnt what you expect.. however, most all art forms have to be learned.. SPEAKING OF WHICH!! I have REpicked up the piano.. and i am getting a guitar in the fall, or as soon as i find one i like. I am so excited about it :) i could just sit at the piano for hours and not be bored!! ( well maybe after hours haha) And a guitar has always felt so good in my hands, ( even tho... i cant play it yet :P ) and i cant WAITT to get some EPIC (!!!!!!) Callouses! It should be pretttty SAWEET! Anywhoo... im gonna go finish.. i have blue paint alllll over my fingers.. and now all over my laptop Natasha.. haha :P

Always thinking
Love always

Holly Dee :)

"Maybe mistakes are what make our fate... without them what would shape our lives?'

2009-07-22T20:07:00.000-07:00

Well folks I'm bummed.. First off.. I am so sorry that some of my posts have been DISMAL at best. However, i have just been struggling with so much lately.. I would love everyone to continue to pray for me.. For healed relationships, and for direction for me.

My dearest friend Lenna is moving to Cali for a year, so she can teach in a school there. I am happy for her, i encouraged her to go myself.. but i am sad for her to go. The reality that she might not come back is a daunting one. I'm glad she feels like she is doing what God is calling her to do. I wish we all had that good of direction in our lives. ( but i guess some of us have to work into our future) I suppose it is mighty selfish.. but i just hate losing people. We all know this. I can say it a million times. I guess maybe God is talking everyone away because He is calling me closer to Him. In my heart i know that that is the best place to be.. It is that gettin' there that is the hard part. If only i didn't depend on other people so much..
I catch myself thinking.. life would be so different if i had not made as many mistakes as i have. Maybe Kelsey would still be here. I know it was not my fault that my best friend was taken.. but i know god took Lyndie specifically to teach me something.. and i am still learning from her death today.
"Maybe mistakes are what make our fate... without them what would shape our lives? Maybe if we had never veered off course we wouldn't fall in love or be who we are. After all, things change, so do cities, people come into your life and they go. But it's comforting to know that the ones you love are always in your heart..."

The scene is over
A draft on the cutting room floor.
The time has come
Summer days and blue sunsets
it's enough.
"Did you hear that?"
It's the music calling..
She smiled, I laughed. We sang, we danced, we made memories.

A late summer day I can still recall
We had church one Sunday
the last words I said to you?
"I will see you sometime, I love you."
I did not know.. or i would have said all the million things is was thinking

But that day as I walked away
I thanked our god above for sending you my way.
Even though the time was short,
And I did not really get to say goodbye;
At least not the way I would have wanted to had i known all i know now

I miss those lazy days we used to spend,
Lost in our girlish schemes.
Lying on our backs by the river and swinging in your tree.
Smiling because of our secrets,
and laughing because of our dreams..

Will there be life after this?
Can anything be more beautiful?
You believed I was crazy
Well maybe i was
But I still smile every single time I think of you
I promise.. I wont ever let you fade..

Always thinking
Love always

Holly Dee

CHASS

2009-07-15T21:03:00.000-07:00

Aww my dearest nephew charlie was born yesterday july 14th 2009. He is beyond adorable and i love him dearly. :) He was 8 pounds 14 ounces and 21 inches long. AND THATS 11 DAYS EARLY!! I am so thankful he was brought into the world well. My sister named him after my dear daddy. Ivy had us all in tears by the time she had finished telling dad.. it was a surprise for him (but we all knew hehe) I got to hold him and i gave him some "kisses cuddles hugs and nuggles." And willies sweetness toward him was so wonderful, he repeatedly stated. " i want to hold small brother!?" The whole family gathered at the hospital and we filled up the tree of caring. :) and as usual "i care the most no matter what anyone else says." haha i always have to put that. :D it was very funn. I missed haveing kelsey there... so i wrote what she put on the tree of careing.. " kelsey cares so much that she wrote this note!" and it made all who read it smile. :) I got to tell chass the gosple today when i went to see him and hold him. He was asleep.. but i will tell him again later. :D i was overcome with joy at how much i am blessed and at the amazingness of my family. I love them all so dearly. I have the greatest family in the whole wide world...

always thinking..
Love always

Hollydee

I Will Praise You In This Storm..

2009-07-14T21:57:00.001-07:00

I love too easily.. and people leave too often.. I have been struggling with much lately; and I am trying my hardest to hide it. Because I do not want other people to see me fall and to see me struggle.. I realize that since I am a Christian.. I will suffer greatly for Christs name. The Bible never said being a Christian is easy. In fact, it says we will be persecuted and we will have trials thrown at us. And the truth is.. If i am not suffering for Christs name, something is wrong... And maybe i am not living the way that i should; nor am i living up to what my Lord Jesus has called me to be.. There has been a situation this week which i cant really give details here however, i would covet your prayers. If you know me at all you know that it is hard for me to deal with losing people, and it is hard for me to deal with people hating me.. Ivy always tells me i need to get a thicker skin, and that i need to let things just "roll off" and not bother me. But it is not always that easy.. sometimes the things people do and say stick with you. Some people can just make you feel like nothing .. However, someone once told me.." Holly no creature of Gods is without value." and it is true. God always has a plan, and you can always accomplish things for God.
Please pray for me in the weeks ahead, i started summer school on monday. So my days are very full. Also, countinue to pray for aunt Frannie to get better and for her salvation. I will write again tomorrow with all the news of my small nephew CHARLIE who was born today! Happy birthday Chass!

love always
Holly Dee

Aunt Frannie

2009-07-06T22:19:00.000-07:00

AWW! God Is so good! He has provided for me a job! My dear Mrs Fasolino called me up the other day and told me she needed to higher someone to go and take care of her elderly aunt. She lives in an assisted living home, however she needs a lot more care then the assisted living people are going to give her. She has congestive heart faliure and we are pretty sure she does not know the lord. So i get to go and help her with whatever she needs done! It is a realy good job for me and i am very thankful Mrs F thought of me. I need a lot of prayer though! Prayer that i will have the rights words to speak to her, and so i can be able to tell her about jesus. her memory is not very good.. but i know The Lord is powerful enough to overcome that. I have to remember he holds her in his hand and he will open her eyes to the truth if he wishes. Tonight i got the opportunity to tell aunt frannie my testamony and i sang and got to read the bible to her.
I am so very thankful that God is mindful of our needs and Gods timing is always so perfect! Thank you all for the prayers! :)

Holly Dee

When i am afraid i will trust in Him

2009-06-27T22:54:00.000-07:00

It is funny how you can be humbled even by a small child. The other day I was at my sister Kim's house and i had not been having a very good day. I was pretty angry and I was being rather complainatory. ( i just made that a word) i was also rather frustrated at God for causing certain things to happen, And not only that i though maybe He did not even have control over what was going on in the word where IIIIII lived. In other words I was being completely self absorbed.. It was at this point my niece was getting ready for her nap, and she was picking up all of her toys, when i heard her singing (on perfect key i might add) a song i had not thought of since perhaps childhood. " When I am afraid I will trust in Him, I will trust in Him, I will Trust in Him.. When I am afraid I will trust in Him..." i was immediatly humbled.. I wanted so much to change my former "HENIOUS" adittude and i was so proud of babo. That was the only part of the song she knew but she sang it over and over.. and she sang it in a way where she truly ment it. Her words spoke to my heart and convicted me so much. Trusting God is a very hard concept to learn.. And i suppose the process of learning it is rather lifelong..

Well I had a completly amazing weekend with so mych amazingness that happened. But no time for THAT! haha..
Ashley and juans wedding was so fun, my dearest sister Bell sang and she did soooooo amazing. it made me so happy to see her up there doing a service. She sang in a way that spoke of her dedication to our Lord, and she sang to the Lord, proclaiming his righteousness and his perfect plan of marriage. The song she sang was the LOVE passage from 1Corinthians. " Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered,does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth;bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.." The sermon made my heart swell with what the savior has done for each and every child of His. And for The love that He has for us. It made me so happy to be a daughter of the King. :)

So if anyone is reading this.. i would ask you all to pray for a few things.. that i will countinually trust in jesus. TRUST HIM WITH MY LIFE. Also, that i would get a job soon... because im going broke.. and i want new shoes. No i am kidding haha. ( but really)

Love Always
Holly Dee

2009-06-12T20:33:00.000-07:00

Ahhh. Today was the most fabulous day, all of my cousins came over and I was so happy to see them. There were many hugs and "i love you" s and we all had great fun. And of course the iced coffee i made helped everything. (Because it was pretty much amazing.) And i had a lovely time seeing emma ( i felt like i had not seen her in ages). we went to the sore to get ribbon and it was fabulous. :)
Well lately i have totally been struggling with discontentment. Sometimes i just really do not know what i am supposed to be doing. There are so many paths of things i could choose to be, and do in life. I'm trying to decide what to major in and where to work. But it is SOOO comforting to know God has already planned out my paths and He has already planned every thread of my life. It is very hard (with someone as stubborn as myself) to place myself under Gods plan. But i know that it is the right thing and i know Gods way is best. (Sanctification is a lifelong process!! ) :D

But i am enjoying summer so much! We went to the beach recently, my best friend Lenna acompanied us, and it was so fun! To see the power of God in something like the ocean. I love the sound and the salty smell and the breeze off the water, and marvel to think how jesus holds that massive amount of water in itts place. And in no way will it ever transgress its boundaries without the permission of our Father. And we went to lake Texoma the other day with the fasolinos. Haha what an experience. Ellen got burned when she and stephen went on their long "boat ride." Apparently they were "on a boat." And I caught fish and cooked some marvelous creations with Renee in the kitchen. Man our "Tato Tidbits" were simply amazing! tomorrow we have nichelle's wedding shower, and that should be very lush. Since, apparently, the whole entire church is decked out with intensified decorations. (the ladies at the church seriously go all out for these kind of things. I think it will take them most likely 6 hours to take it all down haha)

but since i dont really have anything all that interesting to write down, and the things i do wish i could shout from a rooftop in joy.. well lets just say i will just have to wait 2 or 3 years. Since i am not able to speak of them, nor could i express them if i tried at this point... but in that case you should stay tuned. but on that note, along with a few others, maybe my life is about to get seriously more interesting with all of these decisions and changes that will have to be made in the near future. ( something tells me that only made scene in my own head... but no matter! haha)
Always thinking
Love always

Holly dee

And I Am Thirsty Anyway... So Bring On The Rain.. and The Thunder.

2009-04-28T19:03:00.000-07:00

It pains me when so many people are blinded to the good. I wonder if people really ever do see the good because it feels like all they see is the bad. Over and over i am asked to change and to be different. I wish people would see how hard i try.. How much i have changed and how much i have given up. However, i am comforted by the fact, that as my brother in law Micheal always says, "Oh, It is just character building." Roughly meaning, whatever i may experience, if i deal with it the right way, will always make me the bigger person. It will always make me stronger and make me the woman that Christ is shaping me to be, because i know i do have so much to learn and so many places where i need to grow. So to these trials i have to respond, " BRING ON THE RAIN AND THE THUNDER" because i am ready for it...

So aside from that.. man my day was pretty dramatic!! Of course i am horridly ill ( with the swine flu!!! NOT) Well i went to school... And my philosophy class was actually fun because we talked all about the philosophers i already did in high school. BIG HAHA!! Then it was over thank goodness. AND my history professor was teasing me all day when i saw him in the halls saying i needed to "stay away from the pigs!" because i must have contracted the swine flu!!! And was most likely on my way to my perishing bed. In any case, my dearest friend Jon Gohn and i decided to go on a long wilderness treck through dangerously infested forests..we walked all the way down to the snake infested creek and were nearly eaten alive by all the ginormous anicondas. Not really... however, upon our return we discovered... NO we freaked out because we were being attacked by a swarm of indigenous creatures.. it was very disturbing.. However, with the power of robin hood and myself we bested the forces of evil and used all our cunning and our ninja skills to defeat the evil beasts!!! Well the rest of our day was not really too interesting but we did write a paper about sam houston and we ate waffles.. so thats always fun... anywho.....

LOVE YOU ALL!!!!
Holly

My life... as a blogger?

2009-04-22T18:56:00.000-07:00

Ahhh Dearest Friends and family. I have started to blog so that all of you people can read about my life (Which of course is just soooo exciting!!!) But more importantly, this is to be a sort of journal.. of which to record my thoughts as evidence of my growth in Christ. He who gave me my life and sustains me day by day. A time to rememeber the good times, and the bad times. To be a wittness of the goodness and faithfulness of God. A book of memories of things gone by and friends that are no more. A place to share new memories and cherished moments. And of course most likely a few rants and raves of all the drama in my life! ( Which is a ton if you know me at all!!!!!) A place of solace to express myself. Because sometimes, it is so much easyer to express myself in writing then it is in verbality. (Who knows if thats a word .. but it is now. haha) I hope through this everyone can see who i truly am. Anywho... i love you all!!!!!

Love always
Holly