ALL OF THIS HAS HAPPENED BEFORE. And it will happen again

You know those nights when you cant sleep for anything. Even if you have been awake and exhausted all day. You cant stop contemplating life. Tonight i am thinking about the things that are important to me. Some things that have been important to me in the past are just passing out of view. Sometimes it's scary because those things are the only things which are familiar. But in another way it feels good. New and different.
I cant stop thinking about school. Every time i close my eyes i see the hallways and classrooms. It is finals week and very soon i will be done. I need a break. There are things that i need to decide and think thru. I need to be with my sisters and my family. I am so tired of negative influences in my life. And people who pretend to be friends and then end up being.. boozers. For lack of a better word. My parents are going away next week on a cruise and i am actually really looking forward to the alone time. Not that i want them to leave i just need a little.. Idk solace i reckon. I have been going full on strong i guess i am just SO over tired. And this sickness is really taking a toll of my body and my mind. making me overly agitated. And we might as well mourn the death of my range.. I can barely sing in two octaves together. Sad Sad day. I think a rest will do me well. I need some quality time with the Lord as well. I was thinking today about having people in my life who will hold me and who i can keep accountable. But then it struck me that i should have that kind of relationship with Christ. I mean i know i dont need to keep god accountable. Because he is God. But i should be so personal in my relationship that i should fear his upsetness on my level. It that makes sense. I mean, it is kind of like when you do something wrong and you are worried about what the person you love will do when they find out what you did. I should have that kind of fear of disappointing christ or grieving the holy spirit. I should be that wound up with him. How does one get there is the question i suppose. "Life has a melody. A rhythm of notes that become your existence once played in harmony with God's plan."
There will never be peace in my life if i don't have that kind of friendship with the Lord. Truly he is my friend. My best friend. One that has never failed me or forsaken me.

love always
Holly Dee

Christmas Time is here!

I love this time of year. There are so many happy filled days of cooking, sitting around the fire and just having a wonderful time with family and friends. I got up today at 8:20 when we are supposed to leave at 8:45. I gotten ready in 10 minutes. I rushed into the kitchen and made a cup of coffee. This particular Sunday i was extremely tired because i could not get the wheels of my mind to stop turning last night.. so i was pretty treepy. Mornings are wonderful because my dad is home. Neways, we left for church. I downed my coffee on the way there. IT WAS LUSH AS USUAL! Church was SO WONDERFUL. I walked in extremely happy for some reason and then i was met by the beautiful wreathes and Christmas decorations. Red and green colors everywhere. :) i always forget just how beautiful our church looks this time of year :) not that is looks drab the rest of the year.. well... maybe a little.. It could use some plants. About the only time we have plants is when someone dies.. and that's always a little depressing because then you say, "Oh those were at the funeral yesterday.." ANYWAY. That isn't the point. The church looked really wonderful. :))The sermon was really good. It is always so good to worship and fellowship with the rest of the body. But on this particular Sunday i was resting in the Lord more than i have lately. (not that it helped since i had to get up every five seconds to blow my nose.) I have finals coming up this week!! And since i have been sick since the end of September i am pretty nervous about them. I am taking an Incomplete in my lessons because there is no way i can sing up there. :( so depressing. I need to get better soon. My Dr is sending me to a lung specialist because he says my lungs are getting weak. He said no one should be coughing this bad as long as i have. I am falling apart. Anyway. Pray for me this week all.

Love always
Holly dee